I'm covering the Royal Wedding for CBS News and will undoubtedly have more photos of this crazy occasion. TWO BILLION people are expected to tune into this madness (only 134 people watched mine).

Royal Decree for pie 'n' mash! That's what I'm talking about!

Dag, they got five union jacks hanging outside their flat.

Boring! Beach Blanket Babylon in Notting Hill.

Seriously, who'd rock this bag?

Cafe Diana sells kebabs.

I like biscuits; Tesco too!

Whateves! Sloane Square's Jack Wills has some exclusive mug.

Fugly Will & Kate mugs in East London.

The British capital is buzzing with Royal Wedding paraphernalia and not all is flattering memorabilia. Here are some pics I snapped that put the nuptials in a different light.

A fashionable clothing store on Brick Lane & Bethnal Green Road in East London are selling these mugs in the shop window. 

Will & Kate (MOSS?) The super skinny British model is replacing Middleton on these coloured paper plates sold at Maiden in Shoreditch.

Well she does, doesn't she?

The stores are going Royal Wedding mad all over London. I passed by Maiden in Shoreditch and snapped some regal pics.

Maiden in Shoreditch.

Royal Rumble tea towel, anyone?

Dress the royals.

OMG. I watched Lifetime's William & Kate: The Movie. It was so bad it was AMAZING.

Every teenage bedroom needs a lifesize Will & Kate poster!

Or a punk rock Will & Kate poster à la Sid & Nancy.

Cheesy bedtime reading...

William & Cake or too good to eat?

Sexy! Check those pins out!

Extra, Extra! Royal All About It!

As far as kitsch goes, the Royal Wedding Phone is high on the list.

The £20 million regal affair will bring in loads of cash as people (mainly Americans) fly in from all around the world (mainly America) to see the college sweethearts get hitched.

Getting into the spirit of everything British, the Carphone Warehouse has come out with a special edition Royal Wedding mobile phone.

The Alcatel phone features a patriotic Union Jack casing and the royal couples initials and wedding date inscribed on the back. Party favours sorted!

At £14.95, the souvenir handset is a bargain - considering I can jack up the prices on eBay in hopes of attracting some nice decent folks in America's heartland on AT&T or T-Mobile to buy them by the bucket loads!

If they sell out,  I'm sure there will be some knock-offs kicking around in the Chinatown's of the world, possibly with Price Harry's face instead.

The candy bar model features a 1.5 inch colour screen, FM radio, 64 ringtones, a clock with alarm and calculator.

But hurry - supplies are limited!